Nada de esto fue un error....

I can't believe this is good bye...

I've touched this place before, somewhere in another time...

Flight number: AV 20
Operated by: Avianca
From: El Dorado - Bogota
To: JFK - New York City
Depart: 28 jun 2007 22:55
Arrive: 29 jun 2007 05:30

It's official. Moving back to the US of A. Flight purchased. Job secured.

Next step: attempting to find an apartment. Not going to lie, that part intimidates me more than a little bit.

For those of you in NYC, from NYC, with connections in NYC ... if any of you are looking for a roommate, have a friend who is looking for a roommate, know of an awesome housing opportunity, can suggest good/not so good neighborhoods, or have any advice to make the search easier ... I would love you forever.

It's a luscious mix of words and tricks, That let us bet when you know we should fold...

Tengo mariposas en el estómago...
I have butterflies in my stomach...

No matter how you say it, I haven't been able to form a coherent thought for the past 24 hours since I found out that I am going to NYC. I decided last night that I should make a "to do" list, considering that within the next week, I will be moving to a new country, to start a new job, turning my world upside down. Yet, all that I could think of to put on that list was:

- buy plane ticket
- meet Diana for lunch
- buy coffee from Juan Valdez

...and then my mind goes blank. Wonderful.

If I can make it there, I'll make it anywhere...

My heart is still pounding, the butterflies in my stomach refuse to settle, and my roommates are laughing at my random outbursts of excitement and the little happy dance that I did on the balcony when I got off the phone with Missy, Carly, and Andrew. After everything that I have been through to get here - 4 interviews and a delayed response thanks to the internet outage in Colombia - this seems like a dream come true, and I am still having a hard time believing that it is real.

Goodbye, Colombia.

Hello, NYC.

As of this afternoon, I am officially working for AIESEC United States, Inc. managing the business development for the PWC, Kraft, and CH Robinson accounts. I will be living in NYC working as a member of the national staff for the next two years and could not be happier.

Livin' the dream, baby.

La locura automatica...

Medellin.

Springtime.

I wear my skirts shorter and my hair curly.

I can't seem to escape the frustration that surrounds me, but I left behind some of the stress in Bogota.

Estoy contenta.

The sun shines through the window, there is something different in the air here. Somehow I understand so clearly why paisas claim that Bogota is too cold...in more ways than just the temperature.

If I were from Medellin, I would claim bragging rights as well.

Welcoming "my" Social Entrepreneurship trainees over the past week has been surreal, adding a deeper level of impact than that which AIESEC has already given me several times over, a sense of accomplishment that I have no words to describe. In spite of everything, being in Colombia for their arrival has been priceless.

I am so excited for them to make their own discoveries, create their own memories.

I feel a sense of bittersweet jealousy as well, knowing that they are about to embark on the journey of a lifetime, one that has changed me over the past year and is coming to a close.

I left the coast exactly a month ago, and I have lost count at how many times I have questioned whether or not I am making a mistake, holding out for so long, passing up other - possibly more sensible/responsible - opportunities, for something that I want so much, yet has been delayed for so long. I am scared of the disappointment that could potentially come my way....but the longer that I wait, the more than I invest into this process, the more that I know that it's right, that this next challenge is what I want, what I need, where I can make the most difference...for myself, for others, for AIESEC.

I follow my heart, I have made some of the most important decisions in my life based on passion, not practicality...why change now?

Take my breath away...

La tierra, las montanas, los paises.

Everytime that I return to this city, it's as if a weight is lifted from my shoulders, as if I am seeing it for the first time, as if it casts some sort of magical spell over me. I love Bogota, but when it comes to Colombia, Medellin is, and always has been, my city. I honestly didn't think that I would make it back to Medellin again before I left the country, but as the rolling mountains gave way to the valley of the city and my bus arrived to the terminal this evening, I couldn't have been happier.

Next step: track down two crazy Badgers.

The clouds drifting through the blinds, A half a million thoughts, Are flowing through my mind

Sometimes when you feel as if absolutely everything is going wrong, it's amazing how the little things make such a huge difference. I've been enjoying my time in Bogota since my traineeship ended, but the feeling of putting my life on hold, being in limbo, unsure how long until I know which direction my future will take has been frustrating. Last weekend was rough for another reason, probably one of the worst that I've gone through since I've been in Colombia.

My roommates and the rest of my adopted Bogota fam has helped me stay strong and get through everything more than they could possibly realize. Our Sex in the City marathons, Asian fusion week, long Sunday morning runs when Carrera Septima is closed down for Cyclovia, bienvenidas, despedidas, trainee nights, visits to the MC office to work on the Social Entrepreneurship project, have helped me maintain some sort of normalcy.

I am excited about one last unexpected travel excursion that came up in the past 24 hours. Two Badgers (Jason - start blogging!!) arrived to my favorite Colombian city last night, and two other gringo trainees from Cornell and Denver will be coming in to Medellin next week, all to work as part of the Experience Social Entrepreneurship project. Missy, Bee, Lucas, and I have spent so much time putting this together over the past few months, and it looks like I am going to be able to visit after all. It will be great to meet all of them after the billion emails/msn chats/conference calls, see how the reception process is going, and meet up with some old friends as well. Exactly what I need right now. Change of scenery, change of pace.

burst the bubble....

sometimes i wish i could disappear.
or turn back time.
ignore the reality that seems like a nightmare.
i insist on seeing the good in everyone.
i realize that's naive.
but i believe it anyway.
and this is what happens.
the world flips upside down and i feel as if everything is lost.
when you are least expecting it.
you don't understand, it's out of your hands.
i feel myself wishing i was at home, as if somehow this wouldn't happen if i was at home...but i felt as if this was home.
so now what?

So let me slip against the current, let me slip away...

Camping adventures in Colombia mean sleeping in hammocks on the beach. More than the spacious rooms or the spectacular view of the city, the best part about my beautiful Barranquilla apartment were the hammocks hung in front of the two living room windows, allowing for hours of daydreaming. After months of searching for one that caught my eye (and wasn't 200.000 pesos), Steve, Tiff, and I had a successful afternoon of souvenir shopping at the Artesenia markets en el centro de Bogotá, y por fin compré una hamaca que me gusta (por buen precio también!). Wherever my next home may be, I just need a corner big enough to hang a hammock, because this little piece of Colombia will be coming with me.

What I've Learned....

An interesting article in which Tony Blair outlines lessons he has learned during his decade as the prime minister of the UK:

TEN years ago, if you had told me I would spend a significant part of my premiership on foreign policy, I would have been surprised, a little shocked and probably, politically, somewhat alarmed. Even today, we all run for office concentrating on domestic issues. “Foreign” policy rarely wins votes, and can easily lose them. Yet nowadays the reality is increasingly that we are obliged as leaders to think, work and act internationally.

Over ten years I have watched this grow. (If you had told me a decade ago that I would be tackling terrorism, I would have readily understood, but thought you meant Irish Republican terrorism.) The line between “foreign” and “domestic” policy is being blurred. Climate change is a big issue in developed nations' politics today. It can be beaten only by global action. What happens today in Pakistan matters on the streets of Britain. Mass migration can only partially be managed by individual nations' internal policies. Economies are shaped by forces of globalisation.

On top of this, the world order is changing. The political power of China is emerging as its economic power grows. India will be formidable. Japan is putting its past behind it. Russia is becoming more assertive by the day.

In this age, foreign policy is not an interesting distraction from the hard slog of domestic reform. It is the element that describes a nation's face to the world at large, forms the perceptions of others to it and, in part, its perception of itself.

We all talk of interdependence being the defining characteristic of the modern world. But often we fail to see the fundamental implications of such a statement. It means we have a clear self-interest as a nation in what happens the world over. And because mass media and communication convey powerful images in an instant across the globe, it dictates that struggles are fought as much through propaganda, ideas and values as through conventional means, military or diplomatic.

Read the rest of the article. He offers interesting insight on the current role of foreign policy in domestic politics today, globalization, current conflicts, the increasing necessity to have a global perspective, and the future of trans-Atlantic relations....

There is talk of Britain having a new strategic relationship with China and India bypassing our traditional European and American links. Get real. Of course we will have our own relationship with both countries. But we are infinitely more influential with them if we have two strong alliances behind us.

I like that Tony Blair uses the phrase "Get Real" in The Economist.

Esta es mi cancion de despedida....

Last night's chiva celebrated the upcoming farewell of many in our group who will be saying good-bye to Colombia within the next month. More than just another crazy night out dancing, drinking, singing, and celebrating like most of the chivas that I have been on around Colombia, this one represented some kind of closure, coming full circle to my first chiva night in Colombia at AXLDS last April. It's rare that you are able to return to a country that you first visited for an international conference, let alone to live for a year, and even more unlikely that you will revisit a club that you partied at during a study tour with many of the same people present. Walking into Compostela last night was a strange sense of deja vu, only this time I knew the lyrics to all the songs. Still no news about if and when I am leaving Colombia, but I'm making the most of every moment until that point finally arrives...